A linear perspective of the aesthetically taciturn

John waters is an American filmaker who made crude, truly bad taste experiments like Pink Flamingos and Desperate Living. All of Waters' early movies show disturbing sequences and he expected people to watch them only to be "shocked". In fact, his first three movies (Pink Flamingos, Desperate Living and Female Trouble) are known as Trash Trilogy and depends solely on shock value. How many of us can stand Babs Johnson played by Divine (a drag queen / waters regular) eating dog feces in the climax of his path-breaking work Pink Flamingos which was shot in a 16 mm film? The movie DVD was re-released in the US with NC-17 rating (when it was first released, it was given X rating like most of his films) and went on to become a hit among the movie goers, and a cult movie. It also made Divine, an obese crossdresser (not to be mistaken as a transvestic) an underground superstar. The métier of his films are the curio feel it generates in the viewers. It would be interesting to know how did he manage to get such vibrant and niche fan following for his off-beat flicks. His early works created deep interest to some film goers while caused nausea to some. He popularised the term edgy humor and non sequitur* through his works which mainly dealt with horrid lifestyles in American small town, Baltimore(Waters' hometown. Also, Divine's). He introduced a gimmick called "Odorama" with his movie Polyester (1981) whereby viewers could smell what they saw on screen through a scrach and sniff card. Later on, he went on to make movies like HairSpray, Crybaby and Serial Mom which were resultantly proved his inventiveness in the mainstream sphere too. His recent creative was A Dirty Shame (2004), where again he went back to the Baltimore underground lifestyle with pervasive strong crude sexual content, including fetishes.

India would be just the wrong place for a film maker as blatant, mawkish and kitsch as John Waters. S/he will be drummed out to anyone of the three seas (of her/his choice) sorrounding the vast subcontinent by the advocates of moral absolutism (socially dominant) . Before that, they would chop off her/his artistic sense singling out "the bad taste". Those who appreciate "the bad taste" will be ostrasized. Moral absolutism is so rampant and has so much percieved validity here that people think everything should be scaled in "absolute" terms, at least films. Deepa Mehta's Fire(1996) for instance, was a movie that was highly controversial for limning lesbianism. As they (the moral stalwarts) dissented and argued that it's vulgar and it's against the social norms, they failed to prove such practices are any less in India. They were circuitously arguing that certain realities are better off not exploited by film makers. If they do, they would make it look like film makers are harassing the country's culture! The film was banned after Hindu fundamentalists (sensitive creatures!) attacked cinemas screened it, quite brutally (quite paradoxical!). But some of us in India, did manage to watch the film through VHS/VCDs (uncut versions) or on TV (censored).

Despite the fact that India is a conservative society and the popular percept that camp/kitsch/underground movies are much receptive in advanced societies, India remains one of the world's largest producers of camp⁺ art! (in terms of volumes, at least) This should shock many. India's Bollywood, Tamil, Telugu and other numerous regional films are comfortably fit to the crudest definition of camp. They are true intentional camp that can leave you brainsick and baffled if you truly understand the aesthetic value of cinema. Bollywood, (some people were mistaken it as an offshoot of Hollywood in the East!) makes 100s of bad cinema every year with a very few exceptions. And most of the bang-on super hits belong to the former catagory and the exceptions are mostly least grossers. A stark contrast to Hollywood movies. In Hollywood, such movies are either classified as B-grade or Underground films. However, there's a seemingly corollary to some Bollywood blockbusters in Hollywood. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai(1998), an Indian mainstream film directed by Karan Johar and My Best Friend's Wedding(1997), a chickflick were huge grossers despite being low in artistic value. But I would argufy here, that the differences stated previously do underact similarities quite successfully.

So doesn't this mean Indian viewers do have a sense of aesthetics when it comes to films made in poor taste? The answer would range from a groping yes to a firm no while the thrust remains on the upper limit. Films being an art form are ferociously subjective. When they make films, Indian directors do know that their films exemplify "poor taste", most of the times. They do so because they know an average Indian film goer does have "poor taste" when it comes movies, music or general entertainment(Example: Kajara re by Alisha Chinoy, the smash hit soundtrack from the 2005 flick Bunty aur Babli). It wouldn't be hard to reason out that why he would appreciate such works more than pure art. For the benefit of those who might argue this is commercial cinema, I would like cite the case of Hollywood "commercial" movies with some high artistic value. And Indian films scores less in this spectrum despite having no lack of good talent. The point in focus is the compromise of artistic formulation for the sake of viewers with some poor taste! In terse, Commercial cinema in India is compelled to be low in content quality to be commercially viable in most cases!

Floccinaucinihilipilification** is an art in India (though it's not specifically called so here). An artist seeking creative freedom may probably feel the most intimidated and crucified in the Indian perspective. The only reason why it happens is because our social fabric is one of the most delicate ones in the world. It's like a gimmick that you would have seen a magician trying to perform with a pack of cards. The lasting period of such a gimmick is consummately dependent on the skills of that magician who we also call our constitutional system.

** Floccinaucinihilipilification is the act or habit of esteeming or describing something as worthless, or making something to be worthless by said means.
* A non sequitur is a literary device; in comedy (as opposed to in formal logic) it is a comment which, due to its lack of meaning relative to the comment it follows, is absurd to the point of being humorous. Its use can be deliberate or unintentional.

Mistress of darkness

She jaunts in a chariot with fourteen wheels that looks like roulette wheels, carried by a thousand black stallions. She wears a black robe made of diabolically dark threads, which deceivingly reminds a Kimono that hovers when she stands in the only open platform on the carriage. Though they look very deceptively innocent, it's difficult to look into those big, fierce eyes. She holds a baton that has curvy edges and shiny, silver ring on both ends. She never uses them but when she's points it at you, you know you are in trouble. She holds a smile on her face all the time but it can turn dark in a nick of time. She's the most powerful in the night especially if the sky is clear and the Aquarius constellation can be seen. She doesn't wear any ornaments except a glazed smooth, necklace. She stands still on the chariot when all the stallions crusade in an unbelievable rhythm and it never appears to be shaken though its passing through rugged plains. She doesn't use her powers for her pleasure but if you fail to please her, she will use them on you. Her stares shouts loud that she's cruel and have no mercy when she's angry. But she's unbelievably kind too. She's the culmination of both extrema. Her over-the-top persona can be analogized by her baton which looks as if it has only one extreme and not opposite ones and creates an optical illusion.

She's a conundrum you will never solve.
She's a wand with only one end(Optical illusion!).
She's not an illusion. She's not a reality also.
She remains mundane yet heavenly.
She's not supernatural but she's powerful to the magnitudes you have never known.
She's the mistress of darkness.

A sultry Song

She was with me that night under that beam
Until she faded away as if it was a pipe dream
But I was so sure that wasn’t like a stargaze
Nor was it a requiem of a one-night stand
But a sultry song for my soul while it lasted

Standing in the rain on this empty walkway
All my senses searched for those moments
(Will it ever return? Baby, will I be the same again?)
I stood watching those moments in every drop falling
They were so big in that September rain,
And singing a sultry song for my soul while it lasted

It was like all my self was falling down so slow into a fjord
I knew it was the end, I want to spent those ticking time

Reliving my memoirs being your friend

As if I will still be, being a zombie after my fall
But I knew it was still the same
A sultry song for my soul while it lasted.

Confessions of a sidewalker

All characters in the following work of art may not be fictitious and not only resemble but may have a lot to do with those alive or dead in accidents located specifically in Bangalore city only. © 2006. All rights resereved.

Barnie is exulted so much. He just managed to pull off a well-paid job at a new call center in Paranoid Valley, IT capital of Dinaufornia. In his joy, he first called up his protoceratop-genus girl friend (Different genus than Barney's, but he's confident his parents would agree!) who's working for SilverWoman Sucks, a global giant having BPO operations in Paranoid Valley. She was excited too. Barnie and his girl friend are among thousands of male and female Dinos who find themselves earning more than what they ever dreamed of in the dream valley. Economists say the surplus income among these young dinos has grown exponentially, spurring related ontogenies in thier endevours like shopping and leisuring.

Take the case of Barnie, a Albertosaurus by birth faced a lot of difficulties at his home land before he came to Paranoid Valley where the much hyped about IT boom was happening. Times of Dino, a popular newspaper in the country carries articles about the growth of Paranoid Valley everyday. As a result, it got much publicized across all classes. Jobless Dinos started thronging to the IT capital. Now the city is not anymore what it used to be. It has become crowded. So crowded that it started to have a counter effect on the potential of Paranoid Valley for being a futuristic, HighTech city for investors.

Barnie has been working for six Dino months now. He has plans of buying a new car but the city's troubled traffic system gave him second thoughts. He was tired of walking and travelling in buses where other poor Dinos pulled and pushed his well-ironed shirt and this used to frustrate him a lot.

He hated when arrogant two wheeler riders snapped him from the back when he was peacefully walking on the footpath. When reacted they snarled at him and he was speechless. He decided his life won't go forward peacefully until he buys a Dino Cycle. And he approached a bank, availed a loan and bought it in a week's time. It was as fast as he bought his Dockey underpants the previous week.

Now Barnie doesn't find it that difficult. Although, like hundreds of Dinos in Paranoid Valley, he doesn't know much about traffic rules. He has got driving licence through an agent who bribed the Motor Vehicle Department for Dinausers officials. But Barnie wasn't bothered because his girl friend told him that her friend's love interest Volcano X, another Albertosaurus-genus dino has got it the same way too. "the whole world does it. So why should I not?" Barnie thought. He was dead sure that he shared the same content of cognition with thousands of other ditizens who owned vehicles and not cared about traffic rules at that point of time.

Nowadays, he drives on the footpath during traffic jams without any guilt feelings. His ideology was "I-have-to-reach-office-the-hell-with-the-law-and -the-f***-with-pedestrians*!" Something pretty similar to that of most two wheeler owners in Paranoid Valley. One day, Barnie almost drove into the b*** of an old Maiasauras-genus Dino while he was frantically manoeuvring on his way to workplace. The poor old dino had to be taken to hospital since B*** was a very sensitive part for his kind of dinos. Relentless was Barnie, continued his adventurous drive through the footpath down the busy Mulholland Highway, Paranoid Valley.

Paranoid Valley has become swollen with Dinos like Barnie - Pedestrians* turned dino-cyclers - And noone could do anything about it. Poor dinos -like the old Maiasauras-genus Dino - suffered and tolerated this manace while others adapted Barnie, the super dino's route to relief.

One day the sad news struck, the old Maiasauras-genus Dino that Barnie hit from the back will not walk from now on. Barnie is feeling guilty now. He was depressed about the fact that it wasn't his fault at all. When someone can do certain things freely and when dino cops never found him guilty, doesn't that mean its legal? Poor Barnie, he thought due to popular breach, the law of pedestrianism** was removed from the Law & Order System. Can anyone blame Barnie? But then who's responsible for the poor old Maiasauras-genus Dino's ordeal then? No one knows. Paranoid Valley's rising, covering up its traffic and commuter problems. Its still going strong. And Barnie's still repentent of what he did.

*Pedestrian is a person traveling on foot; a walker.

** Law of Pedestrianism is an implied exclusive right of pedestrians to walk along the provided sidewalk along the road to get to reach his her destination or for any other purpose and NOT for dinocycles to ride on.

Disclaimer: Being a pedestrian ain't easy in Bangalore. In fact, that would be an understatement. Its frustration culminated to be a non-vehicle possessor and have to shuttle across the city. I guess that almost does the job.You either should own a 2-wheeler or stay near your workplace. That's one funda of living peacefully in Bangalore, an otherwise nice and warm city.

Lima beans and Mallu dynamics

What's so much about lima beans? Well its looks so yuck! but it is in fact are sweet tasting, rich, starchy, have a meaty texture and a creamy, distinctive flavor. Lima beans are nutrient-dense and their richness generates feelings of satiety (they make you feel full).

Have you been just reminded of something you have come across *so* often? Not Lima beans. Most of us may not even heard of these tiny pieces of gem. Not even in my home state, one of the southern most states of India called Kerala *Read with a tag line god's own country ** with god pronounced as gowd** like Nike and Just do it*.

Actually, its not about Lima beans. Its about the ignorance of the
dimunitives that some of ours' heart suffers from. A malayalee in his cryptic self carries with him an embarrassment of his highly rigid egoism and / or self-centeredness to wherever he goes. That is to any friggin' corner of the world. His DNA has deep engravements of skeptisism like.no.other. He's the fastest in the world to conclude on anything. If there was an Olympics for semantics, Keralites will make Indians a super winner in the medal tally. They interpret meanings just the wrong way and convince others that this is the fact.

In the nineties, there was a widespread hype about some simulation called Kerala model in the India economy. Later on, it was rightly interpreted as Kerala Paradox(thanks to people like Jairam Ramesh). Kerala has high literacy rate comparitively, good standard of living and good health index. But low infrastructure & investement, high on crimes, suicides and labor problems. How can that be possible? Well, That's why its called Kerala Paradox.

Lima beans taste bad, look bad but high on nutrition. Malayali psyche looks good, appears adept but tastes so souring. For reasons unknown to many but still there to be seen. I hope you had managed to trace Keralites' wit and lima beans on the graphic of human tolerance.

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